Keeping Positive, Day Seven

KEEPING POSITIVE: DAY 7, 2009 Flashback

From: Robert Sayre (robertsayre2@hotmail.com)
Sent: Wed 1/07/09 9:18 AM

Rolling with the punches!

Minutes after I sent yesterday's daily plan, I checked Mom's voice messages. There was a call from her at the doctor's office she had gone to for testing.

The message was garbled and cut off, but she was obviously shaken. The next message she got a little more out, but again very emotional and only got out that she was being admitted to the hospital. I had no contact number and was still in the dark as to what was happening; my body seized up, my mind started darting to worst-case scenarios.

Without even realizing it, I stood up and walked to the refrigerator and opened the door. (Whether I had in mind booze or endless binging, I honestly don't know.)

I caught myself, assessed what was happening, and reminded myself of the hard-learned truth that emotional avoidance not only doesn't really make me feel any better, it leaves me with (literal) baggage that hurts me for a long time to come.

I shut the door and centered, detaching from the old methods and their 'safety net.'

(Got through on the phone finally, and Mom is in for some additional tests; they're concerned, but no news and no reason to fear right now....just tests.)

I steadied myself, and focused on the task at hand; getting signed up for classes at school so I can continue working towards my goals. Utilizing the money I have worked so hard for these last six months. (Yesterday was the last day to register!)

I got ready, drove to Bainbridge, waited and when I finally went in, was told that the tuition and add-on fees would be $ 160 more than what I was quoted; nearly $ 500 for one class for one semester, not including texts, etc.

I was crestfallen. I took measure of the situation, refrained from getting angry with the message-bearer, reassessed my options. It's a few month delay...not an eternal one.

No more emotional reacting and burning bridges. No point in taking it out on an intermediary. I made the mess with Student Loans, I have to clean it up before I am eligible for a grant...that's the reality.

So I made a new plan, and went to the health store while I was in the 'big city' and got some items needed. (My doctor's office informed me earlier today that the assistance I was being given in the form of reduced payments would not be continuing.) So I made peace with that and determined that my 'numbers' have been solid good and I know what I did to get them that way, so I'll simply keep doing it and not worry about the doctor for now.

The new job I spent a month angling for was denied me finally because I 'failed' a personality test! (I sure thought I had one!)
I made the fatal mistake of being honest, I suppose, on a test determined to evaluate a stranger's honesty. It's all good. I'll keep working on finding something....I still know I'm meant for bigger and better.

It is hard to maintain focus and determination in the face of unexpected adversity and disappointment. That's why it's so important to face down our demons all along, every day, as training for the times when the subconscious may take over.

Our powerful sponge brains can change..they can develop and strengthen even as we age.
All we need do.... is believe.

Hold good thoughts!
Best,
Robert