Whatever Happened to TRUE Sexual Freedom?

Human sexuality: What is all the Hoopla, anyway?
Why, in this day, with all the technological advances and
access to so much information, are we still so culturally
backwards?

Why do we take on the anxieties of the buttoned-down
puritanical in this Land-of-the-Barely-Free? It's as if the
Sexual Revolution never took place. Being free with one's
body isn't about screwing with abandon; it's about being in
touch enough to know what you want and to respect your
desires and needs responsibly.

We feel what we feel, and humans possess desire, love,
lust, longing, romance, affection, passion, ...all deeply
beautiful things, until the human mind injected fear and
guilt and loathing and self-consciousness and shame into
the equation. Repression and denial are horrible twists
on otherwise fine emotions.

One of the very few 'bests' of this squalid human existence,
and we manage to screw that up too.

None of this to say that some normal restraint and con-
sideration isn't required in the handling of the human heart
and body...but, c'mon, let's get real.

So, we're born not feeling any of the problems; only the
freeing impulses and the desire to pursue them.

And along comes a spider...to fill us with their own special
poison, what they call 'sin,' and we're suddenly trapped in
fear, questioning and refusing our own bodies, our own
drives. Our own psyche. Our own person.

It's criminal.

And it's all within our power to change it, if only for ourselves.
*************************************************

Cleaning Like A Madwoman: Homes as Museums



That 1950's ambition of perfectionist, idealized
control is still alive and well in many folks!

LIVING THE O.C.D. LIFE

My mother is very demanding, very controlling, very
obsessed with extremely particular ways of doing
absolutely everything! (And that's every day living!)

But then, there comes the time of the dreaded...VISITATIONS!

Yes, company at my Mother's is the equivalent of a 4-letter
word in my mind.

Now, I'm OCD myself, and I know how frustrating and
all-consuming it can be when you own mind is stuck in
a particular mode of doing things. But it's one thing to
cut yourself slack--it's difficult to have the same relaxed
understanding for someone else's quirks when you're
dealing with them full time.

My mother enters a maddening, uber-concentrated psychosis
of feeling the need to wash, vacuum, store, dust, and rearrange
every single square inch of her home to 'prepare' for guests.

It doesn't matter if they intend to visit for an hour or three
days, she goes into overload. Hundreds of dollars worth of
groceries are bought (when what was there was sufficient,)
extensive plans made for menus and activities, and there is
not a spot of dirt or disorder in the entire place.

Now, if that gives her pleasure, who cares...right? Well, it's
exhausting; she's exhausted-- she even gets sick from worry...
she exhausts me with constantly demanding ridiculous tasks be
performed that are simply overkill. And she's never satisfied;
even if it's clean she feels under scrutiny...inadequate.

It's all really rather sad.

Why would you even have someone come to your home if you
feel the need to perform the Herculean feats of excessive
cleaning? If you can't relax and simply enjoy someone's
company, what is the purpose of having them? (I say "Relax...
enjoy...chill. It's dirty--people live here; Get over it!")

These are simple people...laid back, not in the least demanding
or hyper-critical. Family that she grew up with. Lifelong friends.
I just don't get it. But then, I don't want a museum for a home;
I want a house that is lived in. Not filthy...just normal.

I don't want anyone in my life that I feel that driven to impress.
Hell, I don't want a condition running my life so I'm compelled
to run myself into the ground to maintain some standard that is
too rigid and exacting.

This time around, I was very clear; I said I'd help her clean a
normal level of clean, but I can't and wouldn't do excessive
work that was just unnecessary. If she chooses to affect her 
own health by taking up that perceived slack, so be it. She can
make her own decisions.

I kept from getting drawn into the drama this time around,
but it still saddens me that she is stuck in this cycle. I know,
too, that as bad as this particular compulsivity is for her,
my own very different ones tend to run me. And likewise,
it's hard to see that there's a problem from the inside
looking out.

Once something becomes a pattern, it's so hard to break;
you see it as an aspect of your identity. I may feel her
cleanliness obsession is wasteful, but it's important to
her. The real irony; the people she wants so badly to
impress are always left feeling quite all-at-ease from 
her mania about constant housework, the standard of
clean they see expected, and her constant doting (intended
to take care of their every need--even before they know it
exists!)

Even as I draw a negative slant on the matter, I know I
have picked up a good bit of her eccentricities; manifest-
ing in codependency, obsessing over details, and being
consumed with what others think (though I have made
great strides in countering these problems in recent years.)

I wonder, though; if we all took a moment to make the
effort to relate how our 'incongruent' issues are really
just opposite sides of the same coins, would it teach us?
Would we be able to get the point that we all are messed
up, just in varied forms. Can that uncommon commonality
be enough to bridge the gap?

*************************************************

November Health Focus: Lung Cancer

Taking breath is so fundamental and automatic a function

that most of us are apathetic to proper care of

our lungs until a problem develops and we

are already suffering from symptoms.

But becoming aware and acting to improve our

environments and habits are a good start to

besting the disease.

Did you know that lung cancer strikes more women

than breast cancer?

Did you know that hidden toxins in your home

can hurt your lungs?

Did you know that prolonged exposure to

second-hand smoke can be deadlier than being

a smoker yourself?

November is lung cancer awareness month,

and this is my chance to remind you to care

for your lungs before problems develop, and

do everything you can to heal if you've

already developed lung cancer.

Don't take it lying down!

For more information, assistance, referrals,

and support go to

Lung Cancer Alliance

And do your part to learn more and share the

information with friends and family today.

Avoiding the conversation won't cause anyone

to heal, and there are many steps you can take

to prevent worsening of conditions or stave off

the onset.

For help in stopping smoking, contact

Smoke Free

Help With Cravings and Tough Spots

Support for Stopping

The earlier you quit, the better your lungs' chances

of healing, as well as extending your life span.

It takes what it takes...

keep on trying!

***

November Health Focus: Diabetes

November is Diabetes Awareness Month

and November 14th is World Diabetes Day.

Diabetes is more serious than most  people

realize, and is affecting more and more Americans

of all ages every day as a result or more sedentary

lifestyles and decreased nutritional value of our diets.

Processed sugar is in nearly every manufactured or

packaged food product on the market.

So be sure to get acquainted with the symptoms for diabetes,

such as

*Excessive thirst

* Frequent urination

* Night sweats

* Extreme hunger

* Light-headedness from blood sugar changes

* Great weight loss or weight gain

*Sores and bruises slow to heal

and others...

For complete information on symptoms,

treatment, dietary information, and more,

check out

American Diabetes Association

It's easy to detect, easier to control, and doesn't

have to horribly alter your life. But the key

is early detection and control, before the

disease advances and harms your body more.

And if you aren't properly taking care of already

diagnosed diabetes, check out

10 Ways to Avoid Diabetic Complications

I lost my adoptive father to diabetes,

my birth mother and birth grandmother suffered

from it, and I have struggled to keep it in check.

This is a serious business, and you have to stay

on top of it.

***

"Don't Let Mitt Turn Back Time On Women"

Holiday Protection for the Fur Babies

With the holiday season right around the corner, it never hurts
to make known just how many everyday items can be less than
festive to our fur babies. If you have pets and want to look out
for them, and especially if you plan on taking them visiting into
unfamiliar territory, be sure and read up on these typical and
often unknown hazards.

ASPCA list of House Plants Toxic to Dogs & Cats, etc.

Likewise, with all the additional food that tends to be available
in a household over the Winter season, there are precautions
to be reminded of regarding foods that not unhealthy and toxic
for cats and dogs.

Dog Whisperer List of Dangerous/Deadly Foods

Make sure you look out for your little (and not-so-little) guys
since they love to put anything and everything in their mouth
without a lick of forethought or discrimination!

Keep a fresh bottle of hydrogen peroxide available since giving
some to a pet can make them vomit up any plant or food they may
have ingested.

And keep your personal vet's--and all local vets'--emergency
phone numbers posted where you can find them in a hurry.

**********************************************

The Bottled Water Debate

What's your eco-footprint?

You hear a lot about the Plastic Bottle Monster, and how the
discarded plastic bottles for drinking water make up an insane
amount of landfill and other waste every year.

But I continue to use the convenient bottles, buying a case a month
for only $3, for health reasons. I dislike re-using an existing plastic
bottle because plastic holds germs and is difficult to clean (I don't
own a dishwasher.) Plastic bottles reused, even when washed well
by hand, can be a germ factory.

Like many, I live in an area where good clean water is not readily
available when you go out. And taking water with me means I have
it whenever I need it, which is always! (I'm constantly thirsty because
I am diabetic, I sweat profusely all the time, and I have meds which
cause severe dry mouth.)

Rather than leave it to chance or put up with bad water, I like to
take it with me. You also avoid touching water fountain handles,
other people's glassware (and I have seen some nasty, unclean junk in
my day--ugh!,) and it's always self-contained. (Again, the problem with
a reusable bottle of your own is needing to constantly clean it, and do
so thoroughly.)

So, to be responsible and conscientious, I simply recycle. I don't see a
problem with that. It's easy to do. There is no recycling in my area, so
I have a large, clean cardboard box under my sink, and I rinse out all my
plastics and drain them, then store them til I go to 'the Big City,' and cart
them with me to the recycling center.

A reusable container is great if you have a dish-washing machine.
A filter is great if you're going to be stationary throughout the course of
the day. But if you travel a lot and are concerned with the germs, I say
just use the bottled water, and make sure you maintain responsibility
for not adding to waste.

**************************************************

Mental Illness: What's worse--the Cure or the Disease?

For those whom medication is a necessity in order to be able
to combat debilitating mental illness, it can take forever to find
correct types and levels of medications. During this ongoing
experimentation with mind and body, a person can be sorely
tested of patience and faith.

And, after finding a medication that works, life events can change
up the score, or metabolism changes and throws everything out
the window. People lose connection to a good doctor. Drugs
become too costly or unavailable. Patients develop a resistance
to even the highest levels of the drug.

Or, as often is the case, the horrible side-effects of the drugs seem
less palatable that the illness symptoms themselves. The choice
of taking medication to combat illness issues versus staying off to
avoid sluggishness, weight gain, and a host of other problems that
equally make life less joyful, becomes a real hardship. Choosing
becomes an untenable task.

This is all a moot point for millions who live in an area where there
is no access to any--or decent quality--doctors and psychiatrists
to begin with. Along with schools and assistance for the poor, funds
for mental health services are among the first cut, and their budget
was negligible to start with.

The stigma associated with mental illness prevents many from
self-identifying, seeking help, or taking medications to begin with.
Many try and amble through their days, attempting to convince
those around them there are no symptoms or issues. Hardly anyone
wants to stand apart from others, or be looked on as different.

If someone is dealing with the aftermath of a life of untreated illness
(joblessness, loss of family and friends, suicidal tendencies, lack
of awareness about their issues, misdiagnosis, imprisonment, drug
and alcohol addiction, ruined reputation, etc.,) they may feel as if
even seeking help for 'whatever' their problem is would be a hopeless
endeavor.

These are just a few of the hurdles to overcome to seek help for
a problem that is shadowy, difficult to properly diagnose, and hard
to treat. But that isn't to say "Don't try."

Check out the following links for different methods of online assistance
and referral!

Information on Mental Health Counselors

Mental Health America: Finding Treatment

Mayo Clinic; Treatment & Drugs for Mental Illness

Healthy Place: Online Support & Information

You don't have to go through it alone!

****************************************************

Tali Sharot: The Optimism Bias

Mental Illness: Don't Believe the Hype

For those of us who struggle with mental illness of one sort or another,
the first step to surviving is to stop competing with the rest of the world
on the same terms, and stop assuming the dread and the lies that are
spread about the illness as part of its stigma.


We must become a fighter, and resist the urge to fall in with labeling
ourselves as weak, lazy, separate, or not good enough. It's tough enough
to handle all the complexities of life when you're handed an even playing
field, and yes, this makes it a bit tougher. But not impossible.


There is a tendency for many of us to allow ourselves to be ghettoized
from 'regular' society once we have been rejected and dejected often
enough, the rest of the world determining for us that our contributions,
our personalities, our outlooks, are not as valid as others'. Bullshit.


We must learn to do what we can, and be content with that. This
means pushing ourselves to find out what our limits and abilities are,
and no longer accepting other people's stilted view of such. And certainly
not beating ourselves up when we fall short of others expectations, or
our own.
 Get started, stay active, get out of your mind as often as possible.
You have to be a very strong person to handle the isolation that can come
from being 'different.' So step up, develop that strength, make peace with
it, and invest yourself in people who understand and respect you.


Make peace with the differences, and yet don't use them as excuses
for not trying or not doing.


If you choose to be alone after weighing the possibilities, don't be
despondent! Embrace your choice and find ways of making the most
of your time. You are the architect of your own life, and responsible for
finding the things that make you whole. Decide for yourself what that is.


Realize that at the end of the day, all people are dissatisfied and tortured
and struggling; this is not unique to us. We simply discuss it and display it
more openly than others, so it seems that way. Our coping mechanisms
are disregarded when they are unconventional, but we aren't required to
mirror others...we simply have to be true to ourselves.

***********************************************************

Dealing With Dementia part 2

(Things are changing quickly now...)

When encountering a loved one with dementia, learn to
just say "Okay."


Lose your need to be right.
Let go of the need to argue a point.
This is not a contest or a normal relationship.


The fight is not worth it.


What's difficult here is when the patient is a loved
one and there's an emotional component involved!
When a parent calls you a 'liar' or tells you you did
something which you didn't do, it can trigger old
hurts or push buttons.


It doesn't matter who's right. Remember what the
specifics of the situation are without saying anything
to the patient about it.


Pick your battles.


"Sure."
"You're right."
"Whatever you say."
"I'll get right on that."


Say you'll do something, even when you won't or it's
already been done. Trying to assert reality or get them
to recognize their forgetfulness are wastes of time and
energy.


Handle stuff on your own, however it needs to be handled.
No need to argue with a mentally ill person about the realities
or intricacies; they won't remember anyway.


Just appease them and then do what needs doing.
It's better to ask forgiveness than permission!
(As applies to situations where consent and involvement is
not necessary, naturally)


Help give information without being condescending.
For example, if I say "Well, good Thursday morning to you,
Mother! Do you have time to eat before your doctor's
appointment?" I have given four pieces of information to
help a waking patient establish their reality:
-Day of the week
-My relationship to them
-What's on the agenda
-That it's morning and time to eat


It may seem stilted, but this is superior to answering countless
questions, which also makes them feel self-conscious and
foolish. Every bit of empowerment you can give is helpful.


Overlook argumentativeness; it takes two to tango. It's
all about their anger at the situation...it isn't personal.

********************************************

Dealing With Dementia

When you and a loved one's lives get turned on

their ear due to early onset dementia, everything changes.

The difficulties which arise can't be dealt with through

the same old responses; the entire relationship

shifts.

Nerves are on edge, personalities will (generally)

conflict more than ever before, and tempers are

short. Patience and calm are

easy to prescribe, but hard to maintain.

These are some of the tricks I have learned to

help make daily life easier.

Find tasks (within the person's capability range)

to do. Chores, invented tasks, or

busy work...it's all about keeping their mind and

body occupied and active.

It could be as simple as organizing recipes,

photo albums, clearing out old magazines--all

of which are also jobs that possibly reconnect

them as old associations are triggered.

These jobs give a sense of contribution and

participation to the patient, which becomes

increasingly important.

(Don't press the point when the patient expresses

frustration and inability; they are NOT the person

they were, and getting frustrated or

demanding will only worsen things. Do your grief

and denial work independent of your time with the patient.)

And of course, confronting them while

you're angry is never a good idea; they will not retain the

importance of the issue you're addressing, but the

upset will linger. Criticism is the least effective tool

with dementia patients.

Tasks are good for a sense of purpose,

accomplishment, and even connection with

the caregiver or family member.

Also, don't make a big deal out of your need

to 'take over' most or all of the household responsibilities.

Be matter of fact, very low key, even--where possible--

not even mentioning it.

If taking over the bills, make it seem like you

enjoy doing it and it's helping you out

by letting you do them. Don't ask; it just forces the issue.

Hide the bills, the checkbook; get the mail delivered to a

P.O. Box for safe-keeping if need be.

Avoid conflict wherever possible, and do so

by not making a big deal out of the changes taking place.

They already know what's going on on some level--

it's just unpalatable.

***

Mindfulness & Moderation: Gateways to Future Health

Decisions, decisions! (They matter!)

Sugary snacks, TV, movies, goofing off, eating out at restaurants,
deep fried foods, high fat content...all of these things are meant
only as occasional 'treats' (which is actually a misnomer since we
are definitely not treating ourselves by indulging in things which
are not to our benefit.

Instead, we moved to having big desserts every day. Sometimes
even multiple times per day...just as a 'reward' for things being
tough and life being hard. (Another bad result, say, of giving kids
sugar as a cure-all...when they have a tough day, do tasks they are
supposed to be doing anyway, or do well on a test.)

(To be fair, sugar is one of the most addictive substances.)

No avoiding it; this is BAD food!

We over-indulge.
We medicate.
There's no longer anything saved for 'special' occasions.
No desire goes unsated....no want unfulfilled.
We want what we want, when we want it.

Somewhere in-between absolute consumption and absolute
denial-and-repression-of-desires is a happy medium.

And I'm not denying life is a real Hump-buster sandwich-o-shit,
cuz it is. It's hard and unfair and painful and lonely and rough.
But instead of doing things that actually reinforce our strength
or replenish our needs when times are tough, we are a nation of
trained sheep who indulge in strokes that actually harm ourselves.

The key is to recognize the behavior, recognize what's behind the
behavior, be honest about the ramifications of the behavior, and
become mindful of what we do and why we do it.

Total comprehension and cognizance of every item ingested by my
body is my goal. Learning to cut ties to the childhood indoctrination
about portion size and clean plates is my need. Determining why I
feel compelled to eat--and stopping to consider that before acting--
is my effort.

I want to eat for the nourishment of my body, things that will keep
me in good health and alive. The minute and momentary emotional
and psychological component of devouring sweets and salty fats is
not worth the damage done to my body, which has to last my whole life.
(And, by the way, it is possible to eat well and still enjoy, even love
food!)

Using food to comfort emotions and retreat from a horrible day is
not an actual answer to problems, and in that momentary coddling
tactic, I am avoiding what is really wrong.

More importantly, I am taking an instant to create a problem
for myself that I will have to endure for some time to come.

Self-awareness is the start; self-love is the motivation.

**************************************************

Super Size Me

If you haven't seen this disturbing yet important film,

it is definitely worthwhile.

Everything Morgan Spurlock uncovered in

his documentary is not only still relevant,

but the obesity epidemic in America

has worsened.

Do yourself and your family a favor

and watch, so that the ramifications

of our dietary lifestyle can hit home.

How To Be Alone

I absolutely LOVE this video!

What a tremendous piece of work, and an inspiration to those of us
living in this situation. There is so much more to life than buying into
the media push and social imposition of coupling and group-think!

Don't put off doing what you want to do; do it Today!
Your life is whatever you are involved in, so transform it with action now!

*********************************************************

Coping with depression (video)

Some pretty interesting insights about depression, anxiety, OCD, and other
issues that can make life quite difficult. Explores the origins of such matters,
how they manifest, and how to come to terms with them.

Hearing and reading about others experiencing the same problems can offer
comfort as well as alleviate feelings of confusion and isolation.

If you have had trouble identifying precisely what is behind mood swings,
irritability, stress, constant and unrelenting thoughts, try giving a listen.

**********************************************************

Bi Polar treatment naturally: Exercise

Through the years, I have found some actions which help
to alleviate some of the pain and disconnect which occur
regularly when cycling with bi polar disorder (a.k.a. manic
depression.)

It should be noted these are just suggestions for helping to
taper off the severity of this devastating illness, and not in
any way a cure or something to take the place of therapy
and medication. Like most things, it is a regiment of many
positive factors that produces the best results; all factors
coincide to make healing more effective.

Today, I'll focus on physical activity.

Exercise is incredibly important, and even though I have
many physical limitations, I strive to find ways to stay
active. I walk, I do yoga, I do light aerobics (dancing to
music,) and calisthenics. It all depends on mood, weather,
and physical acuity on a particular day what I decide to do.
That's where flexibility and assortment come in handy.

If I'm having a day where I don't feel 'motivated,' I have
learned to make myself do it because I know it is for my
own good, and the end results is that the post-workout
Robert will feel better for having done something, rather
than nothing. Even a mild, brief workout, or several small
and light workouts through a day are better than being
sedentary.

I always make sure to stretch out easily and well; I don't
rush and I don't overextend. I don't have anyone to impress,
and nothing to prove. My health and welfare is always my
top priority.

If I am especially stiff and sore, I'll do a soak in a tub of
Epsom salts. This helps muscles, joints, and relaxation.

On a day where I am sitting at the computer for an especially
long period, I do isometrics, which are toning and flexing
of the muscles in an isolated way so that specific muscles
get worked out. This is a good way to keep from getting
'secretary spread' and blood clotting. I also stand up and
stretch regularly to keep from atrophying.

Yard work is a good release; constantly changing jobs so
I don't overdo it on one motion (and then have hurting
muscles the next day.) Think of it as you would reps in a
workout. 10 minutes raking, 10 minutes squatting for
weeding, short break, 10 minutes hauling heavy stuff, 10
minutes mowing, break, etc. And of course always drinking
plenty of water, no matter the temperature.

When I work at the school, I am standing on a hard floor
most of the day, but I will take a few minutes once an hour
to do some deep bends and stretching to flex the muscles,
and I take a pair of tennis shoes to change into and walk the
campus during a free period.

The point is that I don't allow myself any excuses; not
schedule, time, mood, disability, or physical exhaustion.

No matter your situation or mindset, there is some form of
activity that can be accomplished. It's the effort of self-improve-
ment that has to be centered in the mind, not the apathy that
can sometimes deter us from starting.

And the endorphins released from exertion have a natural calming
and pleasuring effect when entering the bloodstream.

Another side to the exercise is that the better we look and feel,
it's one less thing to weigh on our depression. Keeping busy
and being generally 'in motion' is also a good way to keep your
blood pumping and your oxygen cleaning.  Staying off the couch
and away from the lure of TV, food, and other 'comforts' is a
good alternative.

Remember; Bodies in motion stay in motion, and bodies at rest
stay at rest. The easiest way to start is just to start.

(If you do have physical ailments, check with a physician to see
what sort of exercise you can safely work into your routine!)
*************************************************

It gave me the same reaction

The infamous MJ crotch grab!

So while taking a shower last week, I was doing my
normal weekly self exam for testicular cancer.

I found something.

I couldn't even bring myself to consciously follow-up on
the finding until now, from a mixed bag of fear, denial,
and an all around week-from-hell on other fronts serving
as great distractions.

I also really don't need any more health problems right
now! Doesn't the body consider that when formulating
additional issues!?!?

The amount of growth in just one week accelerated my
concern to the "Get your head out of your ass and quit
procrastinating" stage. Now, it is not directly a part of
my gonad, but rather free floating, but it does seem so
much more than the possible less-harmful candidates.
And, it could still be a cyst.

Regardless, common sense and responsible nature insist
I get it checked out, and I am making calls this afternoon
to do just that.

For those men--or the women and men who love them--
who don't know how to do the checkup, or who are a
bit self-conscious, here's a link to check out.

Testicular Cancer Self-Exam

It's quick and easy, and knowing is so much better than
being caught off guard by something. The quicker things
are caught and treated, the better the chances of safe
recovery.

Be aware. Be vigilant. Be healthy.

Don't let the fear of a concept or possible reality make
you open to problems caused by overlooking and being
passive!


*****************************************

"Why can't you just act right?"

Although it's hardly a laughing matter, I chuckle when
I think of the average person's misconception about
those of us with mental afflictions.

The above cartoon serves to illustrate how simplistically
most feel towards a condition like bi-polar disorder
(a.k.a. manic-depressive illness.) If only it were as easy
a notion as picking out a different shirt, from a clear and
conscious point of view.

I have, over the last few years, discovered an alarming
problem, even within the context of my already perplexing
illness of constant cycling from mania to severe depression.
The realization was that upon each new cycling (return) of
the depressive element, it worsens.

I have been unable to find competent care available for
a person without insurance, particularly here in the smallest,
most isolated, most backwoods part of Georgia, a state the
federal government had to file a lawsuit against for the
established incompetency in dealing with people with mental
illness. (You know it's bad if the government --Department of
Justice--has to get involved and say "You're killing folks!")

I thought perhaps I was even more 'crazy' than initially
understood, with these increasing lows (but, unfairly enough,
not increasing manias, Dammit!) I figured I would continue to
spiral until reaching an inevitable, horrid-enough existence
that suicidal tendencies would no longer be frightening, it would
be welcome release. I thought I was deteriorating into an
even deeper, different hole.

And then I read this book, entitled "Food and Loathing" by
Betsy Lerner, and she mentioned, simply enough, that bipolar
is a progressive illness, when not treated and maintained by
medication.

Now, I understand the chemical component of bipolar, and
that my brain can't materialize what it's incapable of producing.
But never, in any of my various readings and studying to find
answers through the last 28 years, had I ever seen anything
that mentioned the progressive nature of the disease.

I sobbed to read these words. Not because of the dire nature
of their portent, but because I knew that I was not alone; that
I saw for a moment there was a logical reason for what was
happening in my life.

No more idea of my being inferior, even for a 'mental patient.'
No more worry that I was descending into complete madness.
This was part of the party package that I had received (even
though most definitely not a requested one!)

I have found many ways to cope with the highs and lows of
this disease, and made peace with those aspects I cannot
control, but to know that this severity and fear I had faced
was not exclusive to me....that I was not just 'too weak'...
this was both revelation and uplift.

Maybe this message can reach someone else, too.

*********************************************

January Retreat Script (part Five)

There’s a difference between ego and self-esteem.

Ego (out of check) is rampant in this country. Esteem, however,
is not. Ego is pretense, posturing, defensiveness, impressing,….
esteem is peace, self-aware, contentedness, independence,.
Esteem is not needing to be in competition; it’s feeling good
about self, exactly as you are—which of course means knowing
who you are. Breaking past societal defenses and illusions usually
takes us til late in life when we start getting real, and worrying less
about attention, approval

We have to determine what our self-interest is, and stop identifying
through others’ notions reflected back at us.
How do you feel?
What do you want?

Learning to own your own space takes time and practice. Our
motivations should be internal, not external. Are we directors in
our own world, or spiraling at the mercy of others’ boldness?

We have to be active and aggressive, not passive in life. Allow
for our insights/abilities/understandings to be different and unique,
and still feel as proud and supportive of them.
Do others seem bigger and more important?
And, is that notion real or perceived?
Do another’s accomplishments diminish or thwart our own?
Do we self-sabotage by imagining that others don’t share the
insecurities, fears, and pain that we do?

Why are others able to speak thoughts, do what they want,
but we “can’t”?
Do we imagine a separate set of rules, while our self-con-
sciousness and resentment and attitude actually promote an
energy that shuts us down?

We are our own single most important asset; If we don’t
look out for self, then we are not fulfilling our goal and our
directive.
The world doesn't need victims or martyrs; goodness
doesn’t mean giving in to people in this world. We have the
ability to stand up for ourselves, to change our lives, if unhappy.

When we blame another, we relinquish control of our lives.
We give our power to others. We give up the pressure to decide
our own fate. When we want others to pay attention to and love
us, care for us, feel for us, we ask others to take on a job that isn’t
theirs; we give up responsibility. We manufacture dependence, and
thereby weakness.

Our emotional lacking and pain comes from not being connected
enough to ourselves, our needs, or life. When we accept
and love ourselves as we are, and fulfill our designation, we find peace.

Independence, self-sufficiency are not bad character traits.
They’re necessary to staying alive and find contentment.
We’re able to bring a whole person to our relations....
to be complete when alone.
Have the basis of every charitable act be genuine giving, not
receiving of attention, or impressing.

Being at peace with self leads to being at peace with others.
There can never be enough praise or attention to alleviate our
own low self esteem. Our sense of self must be acknowledged
from within. Even a belief in a truly loving god requires us accept-
ing the ultimate love, which means accepting ourselves.

EXERCISE:
Imagine walking into your home as if you were a stranger.
 What would your perception be?
Is it good enough?
What would you change?
Would you judge it if it were someone else’s home?
Why do you keep it the way you do?
Do you treat yourself as well as you would a loved one or stranger?
 If not…why?


****************************************************

That Time of the Year

Time for another round of germ warfare as the spring season
(yes, you heard me right!) has kicked in with the perfunctory
pollen and blooms blowing about, not to mention the yo-yo-ing
temperatures leaving everyone unprepared for daily changes.

There have been terrible cold, flu, stomach, and other viruses
propagating here in southwest Georgia these past few weeks,
and most of us are carrying around the tell-tale signs; constant
body-ache, stuffiness, drainage, tiredness, and so on, all from
merely fighting off the bugs that are all around us.

Remember to touch as little as possible when in public;
I like to carry a pen with me to transact business, instead of
using a community pen, and I use a shoulder or a foot to open
doors so as not to touch them with my hands.

Don't stand too closely to other people, and be aware that
others aren't necessarily as diligent or conscientious as you
may be about hygiene or personal space!

Wash your hands often with warm to hot water and soap,
scrubbing diligently for 30 seconds minimally.

Be careful of overusing or over-relying on hand sanitizer;
it isn't as effective and, in too much use, can dry and crack
your hands, leaving them just as open to germs.

Avoid buffets and eating around other people. Every time
your hand goes to your mouth, your nose, or your eye,
you subject those openings and membranes to every germ
your exposed hand has encountered.

And even though you might be chilled, try to avoid the heat

as it dries your body out and allows germs to live at room
temp longer. The cold is your friend; bundle up! (And drink
hot tea and soups!)

Drink plenty of water, moreso than even than the typical
recommended amount of eight  8 ounce glasses per day.

Drink plenty of pure (no sugar added) juices, especially
with Vitamin C. Fruits and vegetables are good natural
aides in fighting off illness, even though those salty,
greasy, sugary carb-fests will be calling your name as
comfort foods!

Vitamins like C, D, and E, and supplements like Zinc
are good to help avoid sickness.

Remember, once you get sick, there is little to be done
except treat symptoms while it runs its course. So the best
thing is to be smart in all our actions to avoid getting it in the
first place.

Eat right, rest well, drink fluids, avoid sugar and caffeine,
avoid stress, exercise (moderately if already under the
weather,) and avoid contact with other sick people (or use
the above protocols to avoid reinfection!)

Hang in there!

*************************************************

Time is Fleeting, But Not Failing

As the adage goes,

"Time is on no man's side."

As we go through the years,

we are inexorably made aware of

how tenuous all life is,

how short life is,

and how quickly the days/weeks/years

speed by as we get older

(should we be so fortunate to survive.)

As it becomes harder to

accomplish the number of things we

feel most pressing,

we might find it incumbent to

reassess what's truly important.

We know that there is never

enough time in the day to accomplish all we

want and need to do, and as the hours lessen,

the tasks multiply.

So I find myself watching old ideas

and techniques fading as I relinquish

their hold on my life.

I give up old dreams, not in a fit of upset,

but with a restful embrace of what...is.

If I live full of anxiety and stress and

fear, all for a (limited definition of) success,

the end results are that the cons

outweigh the pros.

What matters a castle and spoils

if I am spent upon their acquisition?

The yard will get maintained, or it won't.

People's demands will be met, or they won't.

My list will have everything checked off, or it won't.

I'm  not going to run crazed, miss sunsets,

worry over haters, take on too much,

compromise my health, or lose sleep over frets.

Time can cease being an enemy if we can

work on recalibrating our priorities.

Things are only as important as we allow them to be.

If we accept up front that there isn't enough time,

and we have to make the best of it,

the rest will fall into line.

***

January Retreat Script (part Four)

BEING HURT


Why do we take such offense at the words or criticisms of
other people?

If we don't believe it, it has no power. So where's the real
problem? On some level we must believe that what others
say about us is true.......or we value the opinion of another
person more than we do our own.
Granny used  to say "Consider the source." But even this is
an avoidance of the real issue.

It isn't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
If all the world knows nothing about you, but you yourself
know the truth, that must be enough. The issue is not entirely
to avoid conflict, but to avoid conflicted thinking within.

HOW CAN other peoples' comments hurt us?

1) we believe what they say is true

2) we put more stock in that person than we do ourselves

3) we don't know who we are, and we allow others to
     identify and define us

Who's responsible for the people we have in our lives?
The thoughts we have in our heads?
Where did the voices of self-doubt come from?
Do we still want them?
Some of us are identified by caring for others, sometimes
even to our own detriment. Love is not supposed to hurt.
 We can get a sense of who we are by giving UP who we
are in order to care for another. Our lives become secondary
to their needs. Resentments grow as we feel obligated, but
who told us to? We are not responsible for anyone but us.
If we keep going back for more, why wouldn't the other
person continue abusing us? People are willing to take every
bit as much advantage of us as we are willing to allow them.


We are responsible for every person and thing in our life;
we have the ability to change our lives at any time.
Our lives are not meant to be a reaction to other people.
We are not here to exclusively fill the needs of another,
and others are not here to cater to us.
We have our own path to follow, each and every one of us.
Discovering what that is, seeking our own truth, is what life
is about.


We create our own world, and we start to do so by
supporting ourselves, not expecting anyone else to believe
in us or our dreams.
We learn to speak our needs and defend ourselves.
We learn to not allow ourselves to be taken advantage of,
rather than passively being upset that others do take advantage.


We learn to say "No." The world is what we put into it.
We have to fill the void of negativity and old habit with some-
thing....we can't simply erase the bad. Nature abhors a vacuum.


So let's take an example--a situation where we find ourselves
'upset' with someone. Pick a specific person you always have
trouble with , or pick a specific pet peeve you have with some-
thing everyone does. Get that in mind.


Now, what's really going on is we say
"I'm upset because so-and-so does THIS."
But what's behind that?
See if any of these statements ring true;
-They don't act the way I want them to act
-They don't say what I want them to say
-They don't do what I want them to do
-They don't think the way I want them to think
-They don't feel about me the way I want them to feel
-They don't give me the respect I want them to
-They don't appreciate me
-They don't accept me

We tend to use big, broad, vague terms and sweeping
generalizations in our upset, like:
-"I hate you"......."You hurt me"......"You always do this"


We need to focus on more specific and explanatory thoughts;
If/then statements; "When you _____, then I feel like______."
This both depicts the reality, no room for doubt, and it takes
the responsibility of owning your own feelings. The next step
after responsible communicating is to address what your needs
are and what you expect to happen next. You need to ask for
your own needs to be met.

*Get to the root of the problem.
*Recognize the need for action.
*Take action for self and our part.
*Recognize others cannot be made to take responsibility for us.


Confront others who take advantage.
Find our voice to represent our own needs.
Take a stand against what is unacceptable for us.
Say NO to what we don't want.
Protect our bounmdaries. (Establish them if need be.)
We each have a right--and responsibility--to defend our boundaries.

(continued)...
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