Dealing With Dementia

When you and a loved one's lives get turned on

their ear due to early onset dementia, everything changes.

The difficulties which arise can't be dealt with through

the same old responses; the entire relationship

shifts.

Nerves are on edge, personalities will (generally)

conflict more than ever before, and tempers are

short. Patience and calm are

easy to prescribe, but hard to maintain.

These are some of the tricks I have learned to

help make daily life easier.

Find tasks (within the person's capability range)

to do. Chores, invented tasks, or

busy work...it's all about keeping their mind and

body occupied and active.

It could be as simple as organizing recipes,

photo albums, clearing out old magazines--all

of which are also jobs that possibly reconnect

them as old associations are triggered.

These jobs give a sense of contribution and

participation to the patient, which becomes

increasingly important.

(Don't press the point when the patient expresses

frustration and inability; they are NOT the person

they were, and getting frustrated or

demanding will only worsen things. Do your grief

and denial work independent of your time with the patient.)

And of course, confronting them while

you're angry is never a good idea; they will not retain the

importance of the issue you're addressing, but the

upset will linger. Criticism is the least effective tool

with dementia patients.

Tasks are good for a sense of purpose,

accomplishment, and even connection with

the caregiver or family member.

Also, don't make a big deal out of your need

to 'take over' most or all of the household responsibilities.

Be matter of fact, very low key, even--where possible--

not even mentioning it.

If taking over the bills, make it seem like you

enjoy doing it and it's helping you out

by letting you do them. Don't ask; it just forces the issue.

Hide the bills, the checkbook; get the mail delivered to a

P.O. Box for safe-keeping if need be.

Avoid conflict wherever possible, and do so

by not making a big deal out of the changes taking place.

They already know what's going on on some level--

it's just unpalatable.

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