Mental Illness: Don't Believe the Hype

For those of us who struggle with mental illness of one sort or another,
the first step to surviving is to stop competing with the rest of the world
on the same terms, and stop assuming the dread and the lies that are
spread about the illness as part of its stigma.


We must become a fighter, and resist the urge to fall in with labeling
ourselves as weak, lazy, separate, or not good enough. It's tough enough
to handle all the complexities of life when you're handed an even playing
field, and yes, this makes it a bit tougher. But not impossible.


There is a tendency for many of us to allow ourselves to be ghettoized
from 'regular' society once we have been rejected and dejected often
enough, the rest of the world determining for us that our contributions,
our personalities, our outlooks, are not as valid as others'. Bullshit.


We must learn to do what we can, and be content with that. This
means pushing ourselves to find out what our limits and abilities are,
and no longer accepting other people's stilted view of such. And certainly
not beating ourselves up when we fall short of others expectations, or
our own.
 Get started, stay active, get out of your mind as often as possible.
You have to be a very strong person to handle the isolation that can come
from being 'different.' So step up, develop that strength, make peace with
it, and invest yourself in people who understand and respect you.


Make peace with the differences, and yet don't use them as excuses
for not trying or not doing.


If you choose to be alone after weighing the possibilities, don't be
despondent! Embrace your choice and find ways of making the most
of your time. You are the architect of your own life, and responsible for
finding the things that make you whole. Decide for yourself what that is.


Realize that at the end of the day, all people are dissatisfied and tortured
and struggling; this is not unique to us. We simply discuss it and display it
more openly than others, so it seems that way. Our coping mechanisms
are disregarded when they are unconventional, but we aren't required to
mirror others...we simply have to be true to ourselves.

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Dealing With Dementia part 2

(Things are changing quickly now...)

When encountering a loved one with dementia, learn to
just say "Okay."


Lose your need to be right.
Let go of the need to argue a point.
This is not a contest or a normal relationship.


The fight is not worth it.


What's difficult here is when the patient is a loved
one and there's an emotional component involved!
When a parent calls you a 'liar' or tells you you did
something which you didn't do, it can trigger old
hurts or push buttons.


It doesn't matter who's right. Remember what the
specifics of the situation are without saying anything
to the patient about it.


Pick your battles.


"Sure."
"You're right."
"Whatever you say."
"I'll get right on that."


Say you'll do something, even when you won't or it's
already been done. Trying to assert reality or get them
to recognize their forgetfulness are wastes of time and
energy.


Handle stuff on your own, however it needs to be handled.
No need to argue with a mentally ill person about the realities
or intricacies; they won't remember anyway.


Just appease them and then do what needs doing.
It's better to ask forgiveness than permission!
(As applies to situations where consent and involvement is
not necessary, naturally)


Help give information without being condescending.
For example, if I say "Well, good Thursday morning to you,
Mother! Do you have time to eat before your doctor's
appointment?" I have given four pieces of information to
help a waking patient establish their reality:
-Day of the week
-My relationship to them
-What's on the agenda
-That it's morning and time to eat


It may seem stilted, but this is superior to answering countless
questions, which also makes them feel self-conscious and
foolish. Every bit of empowerment you can give is helpful.


Overlook argumentativeness; it takes two to tango. It's
all about their anger at the situation...it isn't personal.

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