4. Surviving Narcissistic Personality Disorder

What's so difficult about people with NPD is that there are
hurting people inside the disorder. It's nearly impossible to
reach or change them from the outside, but they are real hurting
people who have learned a means of surviving that creates the
very distancedness that most people wish to avoid.

Most studies suggest a connection between NPD and
childhood shame and overly critical parents/caregivers. I believe
 that childhood abuses of different sorts would
account for the needed detachment that occurs with an NPD.

The flip side of the dilemma is that underneath all of the hubris
and nastiness and emotional devaluing that an NPD initiates,
they actually don't feel very good about themselves at all. Just
like you learned about bullies in school--that someone who feels
the need to stomp on others is not actually strong, but weak,
and needs to create an illusion to the contrary--so it is true for
emotional bullies.

They are completely insecure on every level and that has
created an overcompensating need to decimate all others
and create an illusion-based life that will impress everyone
who comes into contact with them. Devaluing, dismissing,
dominating, and disrespecting others are their relationship
assets.

Imagine how incredibly lonely and traumatic that is?

That the very construct you have created (regardless of
consciousness) is responsible for furthering the problem you
wished to avoid in the first place.