Most NPDs are hard to spot. They are master manipulators who
can change from instant to instant, person to person, depending
on the needs of the circumstances. They are able to
determine what is needed to be said or done to best get their
desired results from any situation. They are alternately people-
pleasers and completely self-absorbed.
In discussing NPD people, it's important to recognize that
these are not completely evil or unredemptive people, though
their treatment of others can regularly be brutal and devastating.
NPD folks are traumatized kids-in-adult-bodies who know no
other way of getting their needs met. They don't even have the
moral capacity to recognize right from wrong, most of the time
(and wouldn't admit it if they did!)
There is very much a sociopathic/psychopathic component of
NPDs, but as detached as they are from empathy and concern
for others (or 'normal' human emotion,) they very much do
experience pain and suffering. It's just that they attribute it
erroneously to other people's actions, not their own.
Narcissists are very slow to ever recognize responsibility
for having a problem, and reluctant to change anything about
themselves if they ever do see the issue clearly.
They are completely opposed to criticism of any kind, even
if constructive or intended to assist them in feeling better. They
devalue the opinions of everyone else, so even the people they
pretend to commiserate with are meaningless to them. (Don't
let the lip service fool you.) They become frustrated and enraged
when anyone deviates from the plans they have in mind, questions
them, offers other opinions, etc.
While recognizing the humanity of an NPD, it's important not
to get sucked in to playing the role of caretaker to one! They
are emotional vampires that will suck you dry. Their only use for
other people is to;
-use them as garbage cans for their issues, criticisms, tirades...
-use them as stepping stones for their success
-use them to fulfill needs of being adored and popular
-use them to make themselves feel powerful, smarter, better,
richer, etc. by comparison
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