Dealing With Dementia part 2

(Things are changing quickly now...)

When encountering a loved one with dementia, learn to
just say "Okay."


Lose your need to be right.
Let go of the need to argue a point.
This is not a contest or a normal relationship.


The fight is not worth it.


What's difficult here is when the patient is a loved
one and there's an emotional component involved!
When a parent calls you a 'liar' or tells you you did
something which you didn't do, it can trigger old
hurts or push buttons.


It doesn't matter who's right. Remember what the
specifics of the situation are without saying anything
to the patient about it.


Pick your battles.


"Sure."
"You're right."
"Whatever you say."
"I'll get right on that."


Say you'll do something, even when you won't or it's
already been done. Trying to assert reality or get them
to recognize their forgetfulness are wastes of time and
energy.


Handle stuff on your own, however it needs to be handled.
No need to argue with a mentally ill person about the realities
or intricacies; they won't remember anyway.


Just appease them and then do what needs doing.
It's better to ask forgiveness than permission!
(As applies to situations where consent and involvement is
not necessary, naturally)


Help give information without being condescending.
For example, if I say "Well, good Thursday morning to you,
Mother! Do you have time to eat before your doctor's
appointment?" I have given four pieces of information to
help a waking patient establish their reality:
-Day of the week
-My relationship to them
-What's on the agenda
-That it's morning and time to eat


It may seem stilted, but this is superior to answering countless
questions, which also makes them feel self-conscious and
foolish. Every bit of empowerment you can give is helpful.


Overlook argumentativeness; it takes two to tango. It's
all about their anger at the situation...it isn't personal.

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Dealing With Dementia

When you and a loved one's lives get turned on

their ear due to early onset dementia, everything changes.

The difficulties which arise can't be dealt with through

the same old responses; the entire relationship

shifts.

Nerves are on edge, personalities will (generally)

conflict more than ever before, and tempers are

short. Patience and calm are

easy to prescribe, but hard to maintain.

These are some of the tricks I have learned to

help make daily life easier.

Find tasks (within the person's capability range)

to do. Chores, invented tasks, or

busy work...it's all about keeping their mind and

body occupied and active.

It could be as simple as organizing recipes,

photo albums, clearing out old magazines--all

of which are also jobs that possibly reconnect

them as old associations are triggered.

These jobs give a sense of contribution and

participation to the patient, which becomes

increasingly important.

(Don't press the point when the patient expresses

frustration and inability; they are NOT the person

they were, and getting frustrated or

demanding will only worsen things. Do your grief

and denial work independent of your time with the patient.)

And of course, confronting them while

you're angry is never a good idea; they will not retain the

importance of the issue you're addressing, but the

upset will linger. Criticism is the least effective tool

with dementia patients.

Tasks are good for a sense of purpose,

accomplishment, and even connection with

the caregiver or family member.

Also, don't make a big deal out of your need

to 'take over' most or all of the household responsibilities.

Be matter of fact, very low key, even--where possible--

not even mentioning it.

If taking over the bills, make it seem like you

enjoy doing it and it's helping you out

by letting you do them. Don't ask; it just forces the issue.

Hide the bills, the checkbook; get the mail delivered to a

P.O. Box for safe-keeping if need be.

Avoid conflict wherever possible, and do so

by not making a big deal out of the changes taking place.

They already know what's going on on some level--

it's just unpalatable.

***

Mindfulness & Moderation: Gateways to Future Health

Decisions, decisions! (They matter!)

Sugary snacks, TV, movies, goofing off, eating out at restaurants,
deep fried foods, high fat content...all of these things are meant
only as occasional 'treats' (which is actually a misnomer since we
are definitely not treating ourselves by indulging in things which
are not to our benefit.

Instead, we moved to having big desserts every day. Sometimes
even multiple times per day...just as a 'reward' for things being
tough and life being hard. (Another bad result, say, of giving kids
sugar as a cure-all...when they have a tough day, do tasks they are
supposed to be doing anyway, or do well on a test.)

(To be fair, sugar is one of the most addictive substances.)

No avoiding it; this is BAD food!

We over-indulge.
We medicate.
There's no longer anything saved for 'special' occasions.
No desire goes unsated....no want unfulfilled.
We want what we want, when we want it.

Somewhere in-between absolute consumption and absolute
denial-and-repression-of-desires is a happy medium.

And I'm not denying life is a real Hump-buster sandwich-o-shit,
cuz it is. It's hard and unfair and painful and lonely and rough.
But instead of doing things that actually reinforce our strength
or replenish our needs when times are tough, we are a nation of
trained sheep who indulge in strokes that actually harm ourselves.

The key is to recognize the behavior, recognize what's behind the
behavior, be honest about the ramifications of the behavior, and
become mindful of what we do and why we do it.

Total comprehension and cognizance of every item ingested by my
body is my goal. Learning to cut ties to the childhood indoctrination
about portion size and clean plates is my need. Determining why I
feel compelled to eat--and stopping to consider that before acting--
is my effort.

I want to eat for the nourishment of my body, things that will keep
me in good health and alive. The minute and momentary emotional
and psychological component of devouring sweets and salty fats is
not worth the damage done to my body, which has to last my whole life.
(And, by the way, it is possible to eat well and still enjoy, even love
food!)

Using food to comfort emotions and retreat from a horrible day is
not an actual answer to problems, and in that momentary coddling
tactic, I am avoiding what is really wrong.

More importantly, I am taking an instant to create a problem
for myself that I will have to endure for some time to come.

Self-awareness is the start; self-love is the motivation.

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Super Size Me

If you haven't seen this disturbing yet important film,

it is definitely worthwhile.

Everything Morgan Spurlock uncovered in

his documentary is not only still relevant,

but the obesity epidemic in America

has worsened.

Do yourself and your family a favor

and watch, so that the ramifications

of our dietary lifestyle can hit home.

How To Be Alone

I absolutely LOVE this video!

What a tremendous piece of work, and an inspiration to those of us
living in this situation. There is so much more to life than buying into
the media push and social imposition of coupling and group-think!

Don't put off doing what you want to do; do it Today!
Your life is whatever you are involved in, so transform it with action now!

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Coping with depression (video)

Some pretty interesting insights about depression, anxiety, OCD, and other
issues that can make life quite difficult. Explores the origins of such matters,
how they manifest, and how to come to terms with them.

Hearing and reading about others experiencing the same problems can offer
comfort as well as alleviate feelings of confusion and isolation.

If you have had trouble identifying precisely what is behind mood swings,
irritability, stress, constant and unrelenting thoughts, try giving a listen.

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Bi Polar treatment naturally: Exercise

Through the years, I have found some actions which help
to alleviate some of the pain and disconnect which occur
regularly when cycling with bi polar disorder (a.k.a. manic
depression.)

It should be noted these are just suggestions for helping to
taper off the severity of this devastating illness, and not in
any way a cure or something to take the place of therapy
and medication. Like most things, it is a regiment of many
positive factors that produces the best results; all factors
coincide to make healing more effective.

Today, I'll focus on physical activity.

Exercise is incredibly important, and even though I have
many physical limitations, I strive to find ways to stay
active. I walk, I do yoga, I do light aerobics (dancing to
music,) and calisthenics. It all depends on mood, weather,
and physical acuity on a particular day what I decide to do.
That's where flexibility and assortment come in handy.

If I'm having a day where I don't feel 'motivated,' I have
learned to make myself do it because I know it is for my
own good, and the end results is that the post-workout
Robert will feel better for having done something, rather
than nothing. Even a mild, brief workout, or several small
and light workouts through a day are better than being
sedentary.

I always make sure to stretch out easily and well; I don't
rush and I don't overextend. I don't have anyone to impress,
and nothing to prove. My health and welfare is always my
top priority.

If I am especially stiff and sore, I'll do a soak in a tub of
Epsom salts. This helps muscles, joints, and relaxation.

On a day where I am sitting at the computer for an especially
long period, I do isometrics, which are toning and flexing
of the muscles in an isolated way so that specific muscles
get worked out. This is a good way to keep from getting
'secretary spread' and blood clotting. I also stand up and
stretch regularly to keep from atrophying.

Yard work is a good release; constantly changing jobs so
I don't overdo it on one motion (and then have hurting
muscles the next day.) Think of it as you would reps in a
workout. 10 minutes raking, 10 minutes squatting for
weeding, short break, 10 minutes hauling heavy stuff, 10
minutes mowing, break, etc. And of course always drinking
plenty of water, no matter the temperature.

When I work at the school, I am standing on a hard floor
most of the day, but I will take a few minutes once an hour
to do some deep bends and stretching to flex the muscles,
and I take a pair of tennis shoes to change into and walk the
campus during a free period.

The point is that I don't allow myself any excuses; not
schedule, time, mood, disability, or physical exhaustion.

No matter your situation or mindset, there is some form of
activity that can be accomplished. It's the effort of self-improve-
ment that has to be centered in the mind, not the apathy that
can sometimes deter us from starting.

And the endorphins released from exertion have a natural calming
and pleasuring effect when entering the bloodstream.

Another side to the exercise is that the better we look and feel,
it's one less thing to weigh on our depression. Keeping busy
and being generally 'in motion' is also a good way to keep your
blood pumping and your oxygen cleaning.  Staying off the couch
and away from the lure of TV, food, and other 'comforts' is a
good alternative.

Remember; Bodies in motion stay in motion, and bodies at rest
stay at rest. The easiest way to start is just to start.

(If you do have physical ailments, check with a physician to see
what sort of exercise you can safely work into your routine!)
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