"I Gotta Be Me"

Discovering what we as individuals 'are made of' is an empowering process.
Painful, sometimes long, often confusing...but filled with power!


As we shed the lies of this world, uncovering the importance of our own
song, our own spirit, our own capability, there is a peace that sets in.
The process of removing the shackles that were bred into us and reinforced 
over a lifetime is a journey not everyone undertakes.


The world is Sameness Manifested. Human mirroring human for gain of
money or status, rebelling against the true self for the profitability of being
invited into the inner sanctum. Duplicity and darkness reign in the outer
world, but they do not have to invade our true world.


It says something about people when they need to see themselves reflected
back from the people surrounding them. Narcissus needed a constant image
of himself reflected back lest he became irritable and discontent. He didn't
trust his own view to be genuine, and that's a fatal mistake.


Beauty is in seeking our own voice, exploring our own truth, and creating
our unique, whole self into the world. Who else can I be other than who I am?
It is often late in life that we discover the existential dilemna of the need to
marry much of our private selves and public selves.  


 *How can our reason for existing be to meet the needs of others?
 *If no one cares after we're gone--including us--why are we concerned?
 *How much of the social agreements I made are legit or necessary?
 *Is the illusion of comfort worth more than the birthing pain of honest living?
 *Why would I have a spectacular unique view if not to share it?


I can only relate to others and the world when I am whole. If I share choice
bits and pieces to please others, there is no acceptance of the real me....only
selective approval. 

If I choose to be undone, to be unbecoming, then I lay myself bare to the
universal truth...to the insistence from deep within that there is joy in being
free, no matter what these earthly circumstances. Man only has power over
me if I give it to him. I choose not to give my power away. I claim it. I embrace
it. I voice it.


I will  sing even when others do not appreciate...
I will dress as I find fitting....
I will love whom I choose....
I will enjoy my pursuits.....
I will live without understanding or approval....

The world exists on its own terms; I live based on mine.


To find strength of self in this world, you need to find a balance between
"I love all things equally" and "This is me; Go **** yourself."
*******************************************************

Who decides today's emotions?

*Everything maintains its own place and time.

*I choose to be happy with what is right, and ignore the rest,

or to focus on what is perceived wrong, and ignore the good.

*I choose whether or not to allow perceptions of others to distract

me from living my life.

*Today will occur as it does largely due in no part to my

machinations or attitudes, so it is in my best interest to

relinquish pain and resentment and find a means to be

at peace.

*There is no promise of happiness, and it is fleeting when it

visits. But the absence of happiness need not be despair. It

can just as easily be contentedness.

*While I work on being content, let me ponder what happiness

truly is:

-Is it dependent on how much money I maintain?

-Or who loves me--or doesn't love me?

-Is it based on my weight or age?

-Is it geographically induced?

If so, then perhaps I need to do a rethink or a restructure on

my views. I can make a choice to be as happy as I please,

based on no externals whatsoever. Then, I may take happiness

with me everywhere, never allowing circumstance to influence

me.

Identity

The searching most people do for identity is
a lifelong process. Many of us become entrenched
in a set pattern of behaviors and comfortable
ideas early on, and find the labels used to define
us very secure.

But to be truly alive and responding to the flow
of life, we find ourselves in conflict with old ideas
and old relationships. We discover that there
are things about us that don't work, and if we
are honest enough...bold enough....willing
enough...then we may be able to dig deeper.

Identity is not set in stone. We may change our
political, religious, sexual, romantic, or financial
outlooks as we mature and experience life.
Perspective offers opportunity to reevaluate and
grow.

But identity is not simply based on actions, ideas,
and associations. They make up aspects of identity,
but the tapestry is vast. Much of what influences
"who we are" is based on 2 very crucial elements;

A) What we believe we are capable of (in terms of
ability, courage, inspiration)

and
B) What we feel we are "allowed" to do (by society,
family, religion, work, spouse, internal restrictions
of 'conscience' and prior 'morality' lessons.

When we get to a point that we can question the authority
that keeps our desires in check, maybe then can we truly
begin to experience a taste of what our true selves are.
Or can become.

When we stop operating on fear, and learn that we
can't please everyone else, and our own unique spirit
needs to be listened to....that's a beginning.

No one else can live the life we were given to live.
No one else can access it but us. Happy hunting.

Emotions

Reality unfolds as it will; the course of events is neither
kind nor curious as to the whims or needs of individuals.


I can either expend my energies cursing circumstance
and being irate over the things that happen 'to' me,
or I can learn to release myself from negative response.


We have emotions; it's a natural part of the human condition.
And these emotions are comprised of love and fear in all
their many manifestations; jealousy, anger, hurt, worry,
desire, etc.


Feelings or emotions by themselves are not evil.


Letting emotions get out of control and run our lives is what
becomes the negative. All things in moderation. Finding
balance is the key.


It is normal to feel anger over a vicious attack; the harm of
anger comes from retaliating, dwelling, escalating, nursing it,
and otherwise maintaining and responding to it.


Only by pushing past emotions can we find freedom. We
cannot eliminate emotions; they are part of us. But we can
learn to temper our responses and lessen the hold that
emotions have over us.


Learning the discipline is a journey.

Meditation; Preparation for the Day

Before I ever leave the house (or even the bed, for that
matter,) it is critical that I determine what the day will
be for me.

I must make a conscious decision to prepare myself for
the troubles and challenges that will inevitably come.

I cannot wait to be sideswiped by emotions or circumstances
to decide how I react.

Taking time to center myself and remember what is really
important is crucial to my day's outcome. I can do a mental
and emotional pep talk anywhere.

I can continue it in the car. I can make good choices about the
thoughts I keep in my head. I can select music that is comforting,
or I can go with therapeutic silence.

If I need to, I can also take a break at any point and remember
to breathe. If in the middle of a conflict I find myself losing the
calm I left home with, I can resurrect it then and there with
awareness and re-dedication.

The power is within, but it must be strengthened and used.

New Day Dawning

I keep my focus entirely on what I need to be doing today.

I am not concerned by others' opinions, worries, or needs.

My responsibility is to take care of myself. I must...
-communicate my needs
-take care of business
-maintain my emotional sobriety
-not become distracted by outside issues

If I am honest, calm, and kind, then all will be well.

There is no promise of anything this day;
Not assistance, not mercy, not respect, not ease, not life.
I am okay with the randomness and chaos of this world,
knowing that I can not change the majority of what occurs.

There is serenity in detaching from need.

I choose to disconnect from my neediness, my desires, my
anger, my fear. All my so-called problems (worry, fights,
lust, jealousy, hurt feelings) are a result of being overly
attuned to my baser emotions.

I will not have my life governed by emotions.

Focus

Where I place my focus is where my day goes.

If I choose to dwell on minor incidents, they gain power.
They grow in significance.
They affect the scope and tenor of my day.

I can release thoughts from my head by choosing to focus
my attention elsewhere, no matter how many times I must
avert my attention.

I also choose how I respond.
If I am angry, I must question why.
I must separate from an angry feeling and recognize it doesn't
have to become an angry reaction. It has only the power I allow it.

I move on from the old me and into a new creation.

I am not controlled by emotions. Being controlled by emotions
is a weakness not befitting me. It is admitting defeat and allowing
others and outside forces to control me.

A moment of giving in to emotions leads to a multitude of
repercussions. Let me use my brain today.

I focus on what needs to be done, not things I can't change.

I focus on what's right, not what's 'wrong.'

I focus on me and my needs, and I focus inwardly, not on
the externals.