What's really important?

Trying hard to hold

this groove intact

(grasp too tightly,

it's crushed;

ignore and release,

it's gone)

That delicate balance

between

acceptance and preparation,

confidence and humility,

peace and fighting spirit,

honesty and judgment....

an ever-expanding

living creation

of growth and experience.

I see those I opposed

in a different light

as my perspective

broadens

and matures.

May I never stop growing

and being dedicated,

but may I always remember

to be gentle and kind,

and allow frivolity

in at every possible

moment.

Tread lightly

and enjoy the experience.

Workshop

An invitation to all my friends to please come and participate!

SATURDAY, JANUARY 29th, 2011

Get the New Year started right!

An awesome all-day workshop experience to help us grow!

HEALTHY REVOLUTION INSIDE YOU!

A teaching and interactive open classroom with activities designed to

explore how we think, how and why we act, and how to change.

*Saturday, January 29th from 10 a.m. until 4 p.m. (with lunch and other breaks)

*At the Seminole County Library conference room.

A day designed to give something to ourselves!

Open to men and women of all ages, beliefs, and stages of growth.

This is an inclusive workshop designed to spur discussion, insights, and a greater

appreciation of ourselves as we experience this world.

We'll work on building self-esteem, uncovering motives and self-destructive

habits, and better appreciating one another!

Please contact me for reserving a space or for more information;

This is a FREE experience of a lifetime, (with donations always welcome!)

You will need: Notebook, pens, lunch, bottled water, and (if you like) a seat cushion

for comfort.

"Let each one find their own peace, and allow others to do the same."

Come share the connection we all have, journeying to find our worth and strength.

Your guide and fellow traveler, Robert

http://www.HealthyRevolution2009.blogspot.com

robertsayre2@hotmail.com

Introduction to Narcissistic Personality Disorder

No exploration of another's bad acts can be complete
without a fair dose of introspection also taking place.
We don't exist in a vacuum, and in the scheme of the
universe, we draw to us those who compliment our own
dark needs and desires. We play an integral part in who
inhabits our realm.


So, like most of life, there is need for personal responsibility
in who is drawn to us and what they do once there. This
is not an attempt to excuse bad behavior in the least; there
is no 'blaming the victim' as the rapist claims lack of remorse
because his target wore a short skirt.


People who take advantage of the weak and vulnerable
aspects of their fellow humans are not well. But they are
to be helped and overcome, feared and avoided...even
pitied and shown compassion. But our first duty is to self,
and the most important facet of knowing a person who
suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder is to understand
them in order to avoid being hurt by them.


Following the exploration of the machinations of an NPD,
there will also be investigation of what makes someone
vulnerable to them and open top being hurt by them.
Even more importantly, I'll look at how 'victims' can stop
being such and defend themselves from such attacks/incidents,
as well as how to recover from the experience.


************************************************

9. Surviving a Person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

What are some other warning signs of a person suffering
from NPD?
Some of the symptoms include....

*Two-facedness
- (This is a hard one because so many people
  in our society have this issue, but you'll see it in excess here.)
  -Constantly talking about other people (who aren't present) in
  disparaging ways, and feigning sincerity and affection to their face.
  -Expressing different motives for something depending on who
  they're talking to.
  -Pretending a conflicting sentiment was merely misinterpreted
 
*Indirectness
  -Refusal to commit
  -Using 'an article I read' or 'I heard someone say' as means for
    discouraging or discrediting others
  -Letting facial expressions or lack of response send their message
  -Leading you to think what they want rather than ask for it
  -Deflection
  -Claiming lack of memory or lack of knowledge to avoid conflict

*Changing the Rules
  This could be all manner of things; just a handful are...
  -Wavering on a position regularly, depending on something they heard
    or a specific person feeling differently
  -Rationalizing and excusing behavior
  -Using another tactic to manipulate you when the first doesn't work
 
* Covert activities
  -Avoiding answering questions
  -Secrets
  -Sneakiness
  -Generally keeps friends, family, acquaintances far away from
one another to avoid notes being compared

*Lofty promises
  -It's easy to make promises and win affection by doing so. There's no
rule that says you have to follow through. Promises--or pretend interest--
such as "Let's talk about this later" or "We'll get together and do that soon."
Again, a normal thing to do, but this is constantly employed as a means of
deflecting from responsibility in the present or convince the other person
of intimacy that isn't coming.

*Distractedness
-NPDs have so much going on inside that they are
constantly preparing and speculating and planning. They may consider
themselves expert multi-taskers, but you will catch them day-dreaming,
zoning out, forgetting things, absent-minded, etc.

* Fanaticism
- NPDs tend to get involved 'all-or-nothing' in new
projects, friends, ideas, dreams, etc. that seem to come out of left field.
They may restructure their whole schedule or life around something on
a whim, be only capable of speaking about it, and then at some point
down the road just as quickly drop it...usually when a new source pops in.

* Physically intimidating
-The NPD has mastered the art
of manipulation down to knowing what facial tics and posture will
likely get them what they want. They seek to control through;]
  -Strutting
  -Disgusted sneers
  -Eye rolling
  -Checking a watch or cell phone while someone speaks
  -Dismissive, unconcerned posture
  -Turning back on you or walking away while you speak
  -Deeply penetrating glares/raised brows that incinerate you

Narcissists want what they want when they want it, and will really
do pretty much anything to achieve that goal. They may switch
between multiple tactics in one small discourse, such as starting out
the deception of a compliment to get you to do them a favor, then
expressing disgust when you mention that you already have plans,
then turning to body language to intimidate, and promise you some-
thing they have no intention of delivering on.

(Or, the ultimate trick of an NPD, they will intimate that they will
withdraw from you as a result of not getting their needs met.)

****************************************************

8. Surviving a Person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

The intricacies of what it takes to be an NPD are not lost
on them, or on the rare few who decipher them and break
away from their pull. Whereas the majority of the world thinks
of abusers as angry, violent, out-of-control sorts who beat
women and smash up bars, the NPD is the ultimate in cool
collectedness. They are the original 'wolf-in-sheep's clothing.'

By taking the time to  study and smooth their way into
people's lives with finesse and subterfuge, they actually add
to their own sense of self and their prowess. They are proud
of  the quiet, unassuming, surreptitious path they took to
get to the chicken coop.

The long, slow, lure is part of the game for the NPD, further
promoting that they are the self-professed Master and all others
are unable to keep up. Drawing people into their web of deceit,
laughing at how easily they can manipulate others, it's all part of
the game and the appeal for an NPD.

We used to warn children of obviously weird strangers as being
a source of concern, as opposed to warning them of kindly uncles
and parents who say "I love you" when they abuse. In the same way,
our warped perception as to what constitutes a cruel person is
very much at play when we refuse to see NPDs as a concern.
How could this upstanding, smiling, godly, generous, family man
be guilty of something insidious? That conflict is precisely what the
NPD depends on to run their con.

7. Surviving a Person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Suggesting help to an NPD immediately takes you off their
radar. Anything else you say after that is dismissed, because
all they hear is criticism and assault, no matter the sincerity
or lovingness of the concern.

To question them as being anything less than perfect is an
attack on the Self. They do not care that you freely admit
your own faults, or that all human beings are known to have
faults; they cannot accept anything less than the aggrandized
self they have created which is not subject to the condemnations
of their past or inner voice.

In the eyes of an NPD, you are very much either "For them or
against them."

Unlike people suffering from other socio/psycho/chemical
disorders, NPDs do NOT want you to see through to their
issue. They don't want their illusions busted. They don't want
their real selves or feelings noticed. They don't want assistance
offered. They do not want to be 'seen.'

An NPD is an artist who has carefully and calculatingly coordinated
an artifice that serves them well. They have studied people and
situations and moods and facts for a long time, and are able to
influence and alter moods and people from every angle. What could
a common person have to say of value to them?

6. Surviving a Person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

I think there are a lot of myths circulating about the
make-up of an NPD individual, possibly because so
many of the information dispensed is from survivors
of their abuses, and are understandably slanted and
angry.

I think NPDs do have feelings, experience hurt, and even
experience love. The issue is with their lack of desire and
lack of comfort in showing their feelings. Acting unemotional
is not the same as being unemotional. There is a wealth of
pain in NPDs, but not (I expect) the desire to overcome
that pain in the typical ways. Avoidance is a common theme
of NPD victims/victimizers.

Appearing cold and aloof is a defensive tactic like any
other. I imagine that every NPD is fully capable of learning
how to experience feelings and emotions and even express
them, but it's sure to be a long and difficult process. How
can you overcome both traumatic childhood experiences
and a lifetime of coping mechanisms without some tears and
insanity?

Lack of empathy is a serious matter. It does separate people.
But how do we know that an NPD doesn't actually have the
ability to empathize, but they choose to suppress it in order
to appear in control. Yes, they do often have the ability to
emulate feelings when it serves them to do so. But perhaps it's
more than that. Perhaps the internal shut-down that takes place
when feelings do come to the surface is so severe that it is
debilitating?

There is no denying that there are dangerously anti-social
tendencies that definitely do make up an NPD person; self-seeking,
self-absorbed, self-promoting, etc. But what of these doesn't point
to a need for love and affection? They're capable of compassion;
it just comes in spurts and splatters, and is the exception. But that
charm of theirs will make you endure months of hell just for a few
minutes of heaven.

Often I believe these folks become involved in charities and
other endeavors as a means of attention-seeking, getting strokes
for being a good person, being dutiful, or just plain having a place to
focus their energies and be productive. But even here, their main
goal is to form an identity that is beneficial to them.