COMBATIVENESS
If we can't find love readily, we can also find our worth externally
by finding the opposite emotion; hatred! Humans are very adept
at being combative.
We can manufacture a fight over the most ridiculous things
imaginable... because it's never really about the toothbrush or the
toilet paper.
Being combative or making an enemy out of someone is an
identity of its own. It's the ultimate distraction from the undesirable
nature of what truly irks us.
The conflict gives us a purpose...something to fight against, a
passion about being alive. It may be someone with a different
political view, a neighbor who doesn't live as we think they
should, a former friend or lover who 'wronged' us, or simply
someone who 'rubs us the wrong way.'
Discontent, rivalry, upset, drama, superiority, inferiority,
victimization, hate, condescension...these are all harmful and
unproductive ways of becoming high on self or having a reason
to get out of bed.
A major source of rationale for engaging in disputes is the
distraction it can provide from our own lives and our own
character issues or life problems that need addressing. If we
fear facing our uncomfortable demons, what better way to
avoid than to demonize someone else as the cause of conflict
in our lives?
Feeling superior to another is NOT feeling good about self.
((Read quotes marked in the following:
Awakening.....4 Agreements....essay from How to Profit))
What are some examples of how we actively run someone
down to make ourselves feel better?
(Gossip...criticism....judgment....ignoring....being cold.....)
We have to learn as responsible mature adults how to meet
our own needs. It isn't anyone else's job.
No one can read our minds. Passive aggressiveness is not a
communication technique.
(continued)...
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ACCEPTANCE, APPROVAL, LOVE
Why do we so desperately seek the approval of peers?
Why do we require the acceptance or respect of parents
and friends throughout life?
Why is love the one thing we go to nearly any lengths to
find, attain, and keep?
We seem to operate on a basis of fear and lacking, but
even when we get hold of 'the answer' we seek, we are
obsessed with it since it is an external source and outside
of our control. We may alter how we act or think in order
to draw another person to us.
We give up the one thing we do have--our real selves--in
order to seemingly cement the deal with a fickle person's
affections.
Our society is completely obsessed with image, illusion,
lies, and manipulation.
We almost assume duality in all things from business to
personal relationships; it's a given that people say one
thing and do another.
Think of a first date or meeting someone in business; we
are consumed by putting forth only positive imagery,
glossing over the warts...we want to impress this stranger.
But what are we presenting if not the real us?
What is your mindset?
Are we fixed, finite, knowable, set creatures, rigid and
absolute in our parameters?
Or are we ever-developing complex, complicated creatures
on a journey of discovery?
How you believe probably has great impact on how you
live. Whether you are open to possibility and differences,
or whether you seek the illusion of control and try to
maintain a set role.
We don't really ever know where we've been, often
times, so how can we know where we're going? Goals
are fine, as long as they're written in pencil.
Do we need to know for sure?
If we're honest, we probably would say that we're
uncertain and doubtful at times, despite the need to
appear solid and ready.
Why can't we let others be unsure too?
Ah, because presentation is the thing; WE know
we're doubtful, but we don't want anyone else to.
If we are so desperate for love, are we truly open to
receiving it?
Do we find the measure of our worth based on
whether or not another person loves us?
Whether people laugh at our jokes or not?
Whether our product sells or we get the raise?
Is our value based upon the acceptance of a key person?
Or do we try and please everyone at all times, losing
our true self?
We achieve a sense of separateness, or division when
we go about seeking to connect in such ways. The very
goal we sought becomes counter to what we receive
because of the tactics we employ to attain it.
(continued...)
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